‘I am a restless soul; being at rest in Christ, being restless that I need more of Christ, seeking a rest that I still need from Christ. The voices and distractions of life only heighten my restlessness and my discovery of ugliness within me only compounds my restlessness. In Christ is rest and I do have the rest that comes from His salvation; I have the rest of eternal acceptance, I have the rest of His justification through His blood. But while I live in this body and continue this pilgrimage, there is so much restlessness yet within my bosom as I desire more of the celestial life that is not fully disclosed to me at this time. Friends and fellowships seem to enjoy a completeness that I cannot have; indeed their satisfaction in the current and temporal living, only increases my restlessness. ‘Is something wrong with me?’ I frequently must ask myself. ‘Why cannot I be totally satisfied with life as everyone else?’. But I refuse to live my life by the light of other men. I refuse to allow their judgements and standards drive my passion and pursuits. I need more of God and if men have found what I am looking for, good for them. I must pursue while I have opportunity and while I have the desire. No causal persuasion for, anyone will make me depart from my pursuit. Until I cross over the final Jordan, I sense that I will not be fully relieved from this craze of mine; for until I behold His face and enter His full embrace, it does not seem like this bug of restlessness will leave me. But glory to God, for as I pursue after, a miracle begins to unfold; a strange mysterious experience begin to happen to me; an irony of sorts. On the one hand, I see the pressure for more of God multiply within my breast and on the other hand, I grow in a deeper rest somewhere deep within my spirit. It’s a strange combination of restless rest. But maybe this is the summary of my journey: a journey whereby I will ever remain restless, even as I journey in His rest. I know not.’