‘I am a restless soul. My rest is only in Christ and yet I am restless because I need more of Christ Himself and I need more of the rest that only He can give me. The voices and distractions of life only heighten my restlessness and the constant rediscovery of ugliness within me only compounds my restlessness. In Christ alone is rest and I do have that rest which comes only from His salvation, that rest that springs from His divine eternal acceptance. This is the sweet rest of divine justification through the blood of Christ. But while I remain in this body and while I must continue on this earthly pilgrimage, I still struggle with some measure of inner restlessness within my bosom, because I strongly desire more of the heavenly life that is yet beyond me.

‘Is something wrong with me?’ I frequently ask myself. ‘Why can’t I be totally satisfied with life as everyone else?’ But I have refused to live my life by the light of other men. I refuse to allow their judgments and standards to drive my passion and pursuits. I need more of God and if people have found what I am looking for, good for them. I must pursue while I have the opportunity and while I have the desire. No casual persuasion from anyone will make me depart from my pursuit. Until I cross over the final Jordan, I sense that I will not be entirely relieved from this craze of mine, for until I behold His face and enter His full embrace, it does not seem like this bug of restlessness will leave me. But glory to God, for as I pursue after Him, I see a miracle begin to unfold. I sense a strange, complicated and mysterious experience happening to me. While on the one hand, the pressure for more of God continues to multiply within my breast, on the contrary, I begin to experience a growing and a deeper rest somewhere deep within my spirit. It’s a strange combination of restlessness and rest. My conclusion, therefore, is that this is the summary of my sojourn on earth. It would seem that while I remain in His rest, I would always be restless for more of Him.

“O Lord, never allow me to find healing from my restless spirit. May I ever be restless in the pursuit of You and even though You grant me some rest in the search, may the inward restlessness overtake my rest, and may I continue to pursue the celestial lights beyond, wherein lies my final and total rest in Your bosom. This I beseech You, in Jesus name.”’