1 Samuel 15:16 (NKJV)
“Then Samuel said to Saul, ‘Be quiet! And I will tell you what the LORD said to me last night.’ And he said to him, ‘Speak on.’”
Confrontation is one of those difficult things that most of us try to avoid because usually, they are not received well. Loving confrontation means we tell someone we love the truth about themselves, even when they don’t want to hear it. Human nature hates hard talk, but for us to be healthy beings, we need people who can lovingly confront us on issues.
Most people love their egos massaged continually, and they keep around them, people who will continually tell them beautiful and positive things about themselves. Yes, it is good to have affirming people around us, but more than that, we need people who will look us in the face and, with great love, tell us the truth. These are our true friends.
Loving confrontation must be loving. If we need to confront someone concerning what he did or is doing, the receiver must feel our love in the confrontation. He must know that we mean well to him and are not doing things to bring him down or to demean him. This is key.
Many people who confront others don’t do it well and actually use confrontation as a way to either settle scores or bring down the other person. This is wrong, evil, and not God-glorifying. Confrontation done with a wrong motive will not receive God’s blessings. Loving confrontation, even if not immediately accepted by the other party, has power to change hearts and direction.
Samuel knew that Saul was headed in the wrong direction and had to lovingly confront him. Even though he was king, Samuel said to him, “Be quiet! And I will tell you what the Lord said to me last night.” Because Saul knew Samuel’s intention was good, and had benefited from his loving encounters before, he said to Samuel, “Speak on.”
Loving confrontation usually should happen when the other party is confident of our intention. Loving confrontation must happen when we truly feel there’s something God wants us to say to the other party, for their own good. Loving confrontation must not be petty or based on personal preferences. This is a hard but godly duty that could save someone’s destiny.
Don’t shy away from offering this loving ministry to those around you. Once your heart is right, help people see ways that they might be headed in the wrong direction. Whether they accept your counsel or not is irrelevant. What matters is that you do it with love and integrity.
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